Go on, all people tell me how foolish, stupid, immature, shithead, and fucked up I am !
Cause I don’t fucking care as this is who I am.
No one among these so called friends will ever understand how it feels.
Think I’m exaggerating ? Then fuck you. That’s all I can say.
You, asshole, will never understand how much you’ve changed my life — in the deepest, most negative and damned sense of definition. You don’t know how much you’ve affected my personality, how much pain you’re still causing me. How furious I become by just hearing your name — knowing your presence is close to the ones I love. You’re a fucking disease, a trauma that I can no longer live with. You’re a mosquito and I want to blast you full force, and clean my hands with the most expensive soap right after.
I shake at the mere thought of your existence. The shaking, the heavy breathing, and as my face turns into vibrant red, a throbbing sensation runs through my head. And then comes the weakness and acceptance that I failed again, never fighting through the trauma and horror. As the anger subsides, shivers creep through my veins… the cold illusion and a weak heart. I can’t live like this.
But then again, I’m all alone. No one will ever understand, nor even try to.
Because what they see is a figure of who they believe in.
And in times of distrust, I am probably their Queen.